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Friday, July 23, 2010

The Bitter Part of Illicit Romance

“Satan does not need to overpower us in order to win the war. He only needs to get us to adopt his way of fighting it.” Terry Warner

Is office romance bitter than sweet? Should Office romance be encouraged? What do you lose if you are in this situation? Sadly, illicit sexual relationship is like, "Excite a schadenfreude and watch it slobber."

Possibility of being fired
When my former M.D discovered that my branch manager has hooked up for marriage with a pregnancy to show, he quickly suspended her, set up a panel to probe her activities and later fired her. He couldn’t share his “beef” with any other man even though he never planned to marry her.
The time was up and he couldn’t continue keeping her.

Illicit Romance might mar your career or its progress

Most bosses are not happy when they see a lady or guy they are dying for in the embrace of another especially a junior officer. Though you may not know or be called to order by them but you may just be up for slaughter in the company. Several guys in the universities and offices have fallen victims of this issue.

Extramarital Relationship erodes your respect and dignity

Most informed junior workers may begin to politely disrespect you in the heart, with the way they respond to your demands or what they say about you.
Most men have been caught pants down with ladies in the office. God save you if you are a junior officer.

It could backfire or break your marriage

Most marriages have fallen victims of this emotional malady. Imagine catching my babe with another guy in the office! There would be the temptation for it but remember your fingers might be on fire.

The truth is that if we invest in our relationships by strengthening communication and spending quality time with our spouse, our relationships grow and expand into meaningful connections that enrich our lives.
Today is the best day to start doing it.


Recommended Book:

The Irony of Love, Premarital and Extramarital Relationships


Kindly leave a comment.

Baruch Silas
baruchmails@gmail.com

THE SWEETNESS OF OFFICE ROMANCE


The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want at the moment-
Anonymous

Recently, a friend of mine called me one night to seek my opinion on this issue.
She told me that her boss who is married with kids is interested in her with promises to do so much for her if she would be his mistress.
Her call quickly reminded me of what happened in my former place of work where one of the company partners was in the habit of engaging in sizzling romance with the branch managers of the company.
It started as a rumour within the branches that the man who is in his late forties is fond of “tasting” the single ladies in the company. I curiously became interested though baffled because of his personality.

What Promotes Office Romance?

Depreciating beauty of the Spouse

One reason that my friend’s boss gave was that the wife doesn’t look attractive to him any longer. I have discovered that most women engage in much “paintings and rubbings” while they are single. They are very conscious of their bodies-body size, shape, skin colour especially in the black race, hair, nails, and other parts. I see this everyday in my office.
It’s quite surprising to me how some women throw these “beauty rituals” to the wind once they give birth to a child or two. Some men argue that this creates path and grants them the ticket for infidelity.

A Rat and Cat Home

Some men have become the cat and the women the rat in some homes.
Most men could not imagine going home to get emotional peace from their family because of the nagging of the wife while the woman could not stand the physical assault that the man gives her. Either of the two may decide to keep late nights in pretence of attending Executive meetings while keeping warm in the arms of the partner in the office.

Companionship

In the developing world where employees are not paid per hour but run the 12-hour work schedule of 8am till 6pm or more, most office executives leave the office very late at night 10pm but leave their homes very early in the morning. Even the employee of the lowest grade works daily from 8am till 5 or 6pm on the average including Saturdays even Sundays in some cases.
This development makes him or her spend more time in the office than at home.
The man or woman may not devote her time to satisfying the emotional and sexual needs of the spouse which may cause marital deviation.

Lack of expression of Love

Human by his/her make-up needs care and attention and love whether Philia, Eros, agape or Storge.
Most married people may engage junior workers or subordinates in relationships for emotional and sexual satisfaction with a promise to satisfy their financial needs. This situation is aggravated by the fact that the man or woman has little or no time for the spouse because of official or business engagements which may keep him/her away from the spouse and children for weeks.

Insatiable sexual Appetite

Different individuals-man and woman have different degree of libido just as one man may be easily provoked than the other.
I have met most men who cannot stay with one woman for months let alone years. These men are better off taking on ladies for a night than a dedicated commitment of a lifetime.
Others have strong sexual addiction or the habit of getting at whatever is on skirt or appeals to their eyes. It goes for both sexes and I have seen this happen severally.

Quest for unrestricted Access

A lady friend of mine once told me that a lady becomes equal with the man the day he starts having sex with her. Most of the “official paraphernalia” get removed and freedom is enthroned.
I don’t know how true this assertion is, but I know that my branch manager as at then got all she needed whenever she needed them. No one dares stop her because she has a free access to the BOSS who romances her.
She is at liberty to discuss any issue, stamp her opinion and made daring demands at will.

Guarantees an unmerited Authority

The man or lady who is in hot romance with the Boss or a superior officer automatically places himself or herself above every other staff. This is so prominent among the ladies. They would flaunt it on other ladies especially those who proved stubborn to the boss.
Sometimes, she may use this power as a means of vendetta on those she perceives as a threat to her existence in the office. She may take decisions, issue corporate orders under the guise of the Boss and humiliate certain people.
I remember that my former Manager issued many memos to some staff which led to salary deductions, sanctions and even demanded at a time that some staff members’ appointment be terminated because they resisted her arrogance.

Recommended Book:

The Irony of Love, Premarital and Extramarital Relationships

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

How to Achieve the Best Goals for Your Life

Having known yourself and set goals to achieve for your life, you may be tempted to divert from your goals.

Some ways to help you achieve such goals is to:

Design a Personal Journal to write down your Goals

The most difficult challenge about goal achievement is to get started.
One way to checkmate that is to write down your achievements and tasks you will accomplish per day. Your Goals must have a specific time for achieving it whether it is a short term or long term goal.

It may take you 10-15 minutes to write down each day’s progress while revealing to you how daily small steps bring you closer to your target.

Also, it removes the temptation of not doing anything each day since you know you have to put down something at the end of the day.
 Describe Your Goals in details. Be as specific as possible. For instance,
Consider these two goals. “ I will go the University” and “ I will go to University of Lagos in 2009 to study Economics”
The difference between these sentences is that the first is an idea while the second is a goal.

 What are the benefits of achieving Your Goal
- to contribute to community development with my knowledge
- to help improve my family status
- to help in the work of God financially and intellectually
 Believe in Yourself

The number one problem that keeps people from winning is lack of belief in themselves. Napoleon Hill once said “whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve” It doesn’t matter how big your dreams are, once you believe YOU can achieve them, then you will.

Be 100% Responsible for the Outcome of Your Dreams

Most people are yet to discover themselves because they are busy casting blames on their parents, state of the economy, poor educational system, lack of job, lack of sponsorship for their dreams, poor self esteem, etc.
Even when most people take that bold step to discover themselves and set wonderful dreams for themselves, they quickly resort to blaming that person or the other when their expectations are not met.

You must be willing to accept that whatever happens in the course of achieving your dreams is your responsibility. The mistakes, blunders, oversight, etc are your creation.

Baruch Okpulor, Author of The Secret of Supernatural Power, Deliverance And Prosperity
Talk to him on baruchmails@gmail.com

The Best way to kill Your Goals

If one person tells you that you are a horse, he is mad. If three people tell you you’re a horse, there is a conspiracy going on, but when ten people tell you you’re a horse, it is time to buy a saddle.” Jack Rosenblum

Lack of commitment to your Goals

This challenge goes hand in hand with prioritizing because if you are not truly committed to your goal, you simply won’t make it a priority in your life.When you first set a goal, it becomes a personal decision and pledge to take an action or series of actions with certain resources within a frame of time for an expected outcome. That means pledging to the fact that you will follow through. But how often do you really mean this when you set goals?

What many of us do instead is attach little addendums to our pledge, like staying committed until we lose interest or obstacles threaten our confidence. That is why being crystal clear about what you really want is so important. You are much more likely to go the distance for something you want badly rather than a vague desire.
In addition, no matter your objective, you will need to make a firm commitment to achieving it no matter what happens. That is what commitment is; a pledge of constancy and loyalty.

So how do you get committed, and stay committed to a goal? The number one way is to make your goal so vitally important that quitting is simply not an option. Imagine what it would be like to have a goal that you simply couldn’t give up on; a goal that you would work toward for years on end if you had to.
Are your goals that important? If not, you have got two choices:

1. Make them look all Important

Take some time to think about the negative consequences of abandoning your goal. What would the likely outcome be? Would it be poor health, poverty, reduced lifespan, professional stagnation, depression and feeling of dissatisfaction? Are you willing to accept those outcomes? You have got to convince yourself that it’s “do or die” when it comes to your goals. You will either succeed, or die trying.

If I may use the slogan of my good friend, William, “it is either you succeed or you succeed.” To this young man, there is just no option for loosing but a condition to win by achieving your goals. This is the type of mindset you need towards actualizing your aspirations.

2. Choose a Better Goal

If you just can’t summon the level of commitment needed to achieve your goal, it’s probably not as important as you’d like it to be. Take some time to think about what you really want, and set a goal that will be vitally important; important enough to inspire a rock-solid level of commitment in you.

Impractical Expectations

This is another weapon you could use to kill your goals. Many people lost their dreams because of the hope for unreasonable, impracticable and idealistic outcomes. They set unrealistic expectations and are frustrated when they fail to achieve such them.

When you set unrealistic expectations, you find yourself struggling almost from the beginning, feeling overwhelmed and frustrated when you don’t seem to be progressing as quickly as you planned. Rather than acknowledging that you may have set your sights too high, you may be tempted to give up altogether. You may mistakenly blame other factors as the cause of your failure or retarded progress. This was my friend’s experience when he first attempted to develop a business online. He thought he would make millions in a flash. His expectations were too high and he expected that to happen within the shortest possible time which never happened and he had to abandon the business till date.

You can’t expect to make a giant leap from clerk of a company to a Managing Director in a matter of weeks or go from 100m sprint to a marathon hero without first undertaking months of training, trials, disappointments and corrections.
Be practical and reasonable on what outcome you expect from your goals and you will achieve them.
Kindly leave a comment if this article made an impression on you.

Baruch Okpulor, Author of Think Like God And Rule Your World
Talk to him on baruchmails@gmail.com

Paying the Price for Success

“It is not the will to win that matters, everyone has it. It is the will to prepare to win that matters” Paul Bryant, a college football coach with 323 victories.

Obstacles are natural and fellow travellers with success, and they are means to the source of acquiring success and wealth, as I am sure you will agree. Doggedness, diligence and determination will have to be practiced “religiously” to reach the goal and to overcome the obstacles. Success is not a magic but a destination. Yes and sometimes no.

It’s important to understand that you may face a few challenges while you are working toward your life purpose. Sometimes these challenges will come from inside your own mind (negative thoughts, doubts, low self-worth, lack of faith in yourself, fears, and the like), and sometimes they might be external obstacles you didn’t expect to encounter.

It is interesting to understand that the road to success is challenging but progressive. In other words, there are potholes on the road to success but they are meant to take to you to your destination. You cannot avoid them but to manage them for good.

Great achievements are products of education, training, practice, discipline, perseverance and sacrifice. People dream big dreams but are scared to death to pay the price for the actualization of such dreams. So, they hurriedly abandon them.

Many of us are tempted to believe that where we are now is the best we can be in life even when our lives tell us differently. You may have a dream of earning higher degree or professional certifications to be better equipped for that dream career, but your present financial status, where you are a bit comfortable, distracts you from the larger opportunities waiting for you.

Have you watched a marathon race before? Achieving your life goals is like it. People who easily give up in the race never get to any where. The ones that get to the final mark are those who are determined, dogged, rugged, diligent, pushy, aggressive and assertive. They don’t take “No” for an answer and obstacles do not scare their progress. The more they fail, the more rugged they become.

So he told me “you got to try, try, try, try and try, keeping your mind on your target and considering the much benefits both physical, spiritual and psychological you will derive when you arrive there.”
Remember that the winner takes it all and he who is above is above. Les Brown once said, “The only limits to the possibilities in your life tomorrow are the “buts” you use today." Think about it deeply.
You cannot pursue a goal and achieve it when your mind is wobbling and when you don’t even know what you want in life. If that happens, then you are like a wave of the sea driven by the wind and tossed. You must discover yourself first and convince your body, soul and spirit that this is it.

People without conviction do not take a stand; they take the middle of the road because they lack faith and they find out that they are just walking round life instead of walking through it.

Don’t forget that there are three kinds of people in the world
-People who make things happen
-People who watch things happen and
-People who wander what happened

It is in your hands to choose the one you want to become.
The top is meant for you. Get there as soon as you find it. You can decide to celebrate others or to be the celebrated. But you should be the celebrated.
So, get ready to pay the price for your greatness for only the great rules.
Kindly leave a comment if this article made an impression on you.

Baruch Okpulor, Author of Study Abroad Funding for International Students: The Easiest Way to Get Funding to Study Overseas
Talk to him on baruchmails@gmail.com

How to Achieve Your Life Goals

“You don't get in life what you want, you get what you are.” Les Brown

A lot of people set goals with the drive to achieve them but abandon such great ideas after few months. There are rules that should guide the conception and actualization of your goals.

Here are some nuggets that would direct and spur you towards your purpose of creation and help you keep an eye on your life script.
Describe Your Goals in details. Be as specific as possible.

Ambiguous goals are difficult to achieve if not impossible. They are like ship on the sea with no specified direction. The uncertainty surrendering such goals creates confusion and obstruction to their achievement. This is why you need to state your goals in simple and definite terms you could easily understand.
Now consider this example. “I will go the University” and “I will go to the University of Manchester in UK in 2011 to study Economics at the undergraduate level.”

You would believe with me that there is a wide margin between the descriptions of this goal. The difference between these sentences is that the first is an idea and a wish while the second is a goal. The first states what you want but it is unclear about when and where. Ambiguous goals are difficult to organize and therefore confusing to realize.

You Should Write Down Your Goals

Remember that your goal is your project and needs the best attention, dedication and commitment you could give it to make it a reality. This is a way to subconsciously tell yourself that you are ready and committed to what you have conceived. The project Manager has a well defined plan and stages of actions to actualize the project he is handling. You must treat your goals that same way if they mean anything to you.

Writing down your goals would help you determine why you failed to achieve that task on that day at the set time. It may take you some minutes to write down each day’s progress while revealing to you how daily small steps bring you closer to your target.

Also, it removes the temptation of not doing anything each day since you know you have to put down something at the end of the day. Don’t keep your goals on your head, write them down NOW.

Set a Deadline for Your Goals

Setting a deadline on your goals spurs you to action since you are aware that you don’t have all the time in the world to get down on them. It suffocates the evil of procrastination and paralysis analysis.
Remember we agreed that every life goal is a project. Every type of project has a set time for completion and the project manager applies all strategies, skills and knowledge to ensure that the project is completed at the agreed time and best quality.

Another benefit of setting a deadline on your goals is that it gives room for evaluation and adjustments. Evaluation involves comparison of your performance or achievements within a set time to the overall result. It reveals to you how far you have gone and how you performed and what is remaining to be done. It reveals your mistakes and oversights and the need to correct them. It also reveals your strengths and the need to improve on them.
The top is meant for you. Get there as soon as you find it.

Kindly leave a comment if this article made an impression on you.

Baruch Okpulor, Author of The Secret of Supernatural Power and Prosperity
Talk to him on baruchmails@gmail.com

How to Discover Your Self

“Resolve to be thyself and know that he who finds himself loses his misery” Matthew Arnold

You will discover that the greatest challenge of most people is about how to discover who and what they are. They find it difficult to discern the potentials and talents. They assume it is one hard thing to do, an engineering mathematics to solve or a life puzzle with the dragon head.

Discover the You in You by the Activities You Enjoy

One approach to find your self is to sincerely consider the things you enjoy doing and don’t easily get bored doing them. One way to actually know this is to write down those activities. The things you could do all day long, and never get bored. These should not be frivolous activities like gambling and watching telly but things that would make an impact on your life and become life supporting.

What is it that you are crazy about? What is it that you don’t get tired doing? What is your preference and soft spot? What is that activity or career which excites you most? If you can give sincere answers to these simple but tactical questions of success, then you are on your way to a fulfilled and meaningful life.

Zig Ziglar tells a funny but real life story about this. It is about a young man called Bill who was watching a ball game on a Sunday when his wife reminded him that the garage needed painting. Bill complained to his wife, "I know it, honey, but I'm just so tired. This was one really stressful week, and the boss is on my butt, and my back hurts. I can't even move myself up off this couch, I'm so worn down!”
Suddenly, the phone rang. He picked it up and it's his golfing playmate, Jim. Jim said “Bill, I got us a two o'clock tee time. Can you make it?”
Bill jumps off the couch like it bit him, says, "Can I? Just let me grab my clubs! I will be there before you can walk to the first tee," and bolts out of the house like a 20 year-old Olympic sprinter. But that’s Bill who grumbled that he can’t get out of the couch because of tiredness and back ache. Have ever felt this way about an activity?

What is it that gets you up off the couch when you are stressed out and tired, and gives you the energy you need to get right to it? Those are the things you must write down.

Ask Friends, Mentors, Coaches and Family Members

I grew up in a family where my Mom taught me that self- sufficiency is a virtue. We were not allowed to ask for favours from people and borrow anything from others. My parents ensured they provided all the tools we needed to do our domestic chores. This training made it very uncomfortable for me to seek favours from others. I would consider it a disturbance while thinking how awkward it would be to the person involved.

Perhaps, you may have this problem. It is surmountable. It can be corrected if you are determined. I am so grateful to a coach, Peter, who helped me recover from this impediment using the principle he calls “the power of asking.” Even when he didn’t know the reason behind my reluctance to ask for favours, his persistence made a sustainable impact in my life.

The person who is keen at discovering himself and his purpose of creation would ask sincere friends, family members, his coaches, tutors and mentors, to tell him who he is and what they have seen as his talents and potentials. You may not have discovered the stuff you are made of as a person because you have not taken time to study your life inclinations.

Engaging some people who you trust to tell you the truth about the strengths and talents they see in your life is a great strategy to discover yourself. It is always good to ask for advice from people you have confidence in and people you see as role models. They can even help you achieve your goals. This might be really difficult for some people because it's often hard to see anything good in your own life and you feel like you will be setting yourself up for a load of bad stuff if you ask that sort of question from people.

Take a Vacation to Heaven

This method may sound odd to some people who have been planning their lives without ever consulting God for His perfect Will for them, yet God is the absolute Source to self- discovery and the fulfillment of life purpose.
Everyone likes to achieve success. Often, we are consumed by the thought and passion to be successful that we lose focus on the unlimited Source of success and greatness. People get stuck when you talk about success through God. Sadly, success is not measured by the amount of wealth you accumulate but the degree of balance between your natural and spiritual self respectively.

Man is a spirit being by creation. He must therefore connect to the spiritual in all he does to be fulfilled and satisfied. King David knew and believed this fact when he asked God to show him the path of life and the road to fullness of joy and pleasures evermore.

God responded to his request and told him that He will instruct him and teach him in the way he should go and guide him with His eye. In my book, The Secret to Absolute Power, Deliverance and Prosperity, I described how to get into God’s presence to ascertain what your life purpose is and how to achieve your life goals using supernatural success principles and tools.

God has what I call a script for everyone on this earth. You may call it purpose of creation, life goal, or whatever. The truth is that you have a need to fill in this world before you die. Your purpose of creation is the map or manual of your life. The hard fact is that you cannot get to your God-designed destination without your life map. God is the divine Pivot upon which all about you revolve.
Focusing on your wisdom, strength, and self-knowledge cannot guarantee lasting success and fulfilment.

God told Jeremiah that He knew the thoughts that He has toward him, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give him an expected end. He made him to realize that even before his conception; He has designed his path of life. God revealed to him that He has the key to unlock the door to the reason of his creation.

This divine adventure would reveal to you what and who you really need to be, what to do with your life, what your goals and ambitions should be, and how to achieve them. When you rely on God to discover yourself, He will empower you to accomplish all the things He has drawn in the map of your life. You cannot know and achieve the reason of your existence without reference to God for in Him we live, move and have our being.
See you at the peak of your life project and kindly leave a comment if this article made an impression on you.

Baruch Okpulor, Author of Study Abroad Funding for International Students: The Easiest Way To Get Funding To Study Overseas

Reach him on baruchmails@gmail.com

How to Build the Most Admirable Personality

It is good to know that you have a problem with poor self-concept. It is more significant to discover how to get out of it and ripe the benefits of the feeling of high self-image.

The truth is that it is possible to develop a high self-esteem no matter how long you have lived with a poor self-image or what caused such feelings. Time heals all wounds but you have also much to do to recover from your hurts.
Therefore, if you think you can, then you can.
You need to understand that no one else can change you except yourself. There must be a desire to drop the past and grow new attitude and behavioural patters.

There are ways to boost self-worth and few of these approaches are discussed below.

Learn to Love Yourself

One interesting fact I see in the bible is that God is love and loves mankind beyond human imagination. He instructs man to love his fellow man with same love He, God, has loved man with.

I wonder if any man can love another when he hates himself! I doubt the possibility of giving so much love to others when you are an embodiment of bitterness and ungratefulness.
So, the first step is to love yourself the way God loves you. Think positively about your image, person, abilities and your overall makeup. Tell yourself that you are beautiful.
Do you know that there are people who admire you even when you hate yourself or retain feelings of inferiority about yourself? You may not know it but it is the fact. You can’t be all that bad. Do you think God would send Jesus to die for a worthless and valueless person?
God knew that we are great. The death of Christ is to manifest that greatness.

One reason why we fall into the dungeon of poor self-worth is lack of the understanding of who we are. When we discover ourselves and God-given potentials, talents and skills, we become liberated from the claws of mediocrity and feelings of worthlessness.
Matthew Arnold said, “Resolve to be thyself and know that he who finds himself loses his misery.”
Discovering your abilities and desirable qualities would transform your boredom to passion, emptiness to fulfilment, aimlessness to focus and determination, and failure to success.

Refocus Your Thought by Replacement

You don’t defeat the thoughts of low self-worth by resisting them or trying to block them in your mind. The more you fight the feelings of poor self-image in this way, the more it devours and continues to command you.
Change the channel of your mind and get interested in another idea or thought. This is what Rick calls the principle of replacement. The battle for self-defeating thoughts is won in the heart.

People with low self-worth develop negative thoughts and self-talks about themselves. They harbour feelings of insecurity and inferiority. These thoughts and self-talk become part of them through repeated negative thinking patterns. Since they don’t like themselves and attach little to their makeup, they look for things that seem to prove this wrong opinion about self.

Some of these negative thoughts against yourself include:

o I am not attractive, so no one would love me
o I am too short, I wish I was taller
o My parents always tell me that I’m stupid, so I am
o I am not intelligent
o I am shy
o I am too fat
o I am thin
o My parents are not rich
o I can’t make friends easily

Begin to be conscious of these thoughts and gather them as they come to mind. Replace them with positive thoughts and self-talk about your person.
Behavioural experts tell us that it takes twenty one to forty five days to change these habits which have been part of you for some years or months. So, don’t be in a hurry to see results and don’t quit until you see a change.

Have you heard of Dr. Glenn Cunningham, the man who ran the fastest mile?
He was a little boy who was responsible for heating their school classroom using an old-fashioned, pot-bellied coal stove. He had to come to school early each day to start the fire and warm the classroom before his teacher and classmates arrived.
One morning they arrived to find the classroom engulfed in flames. They dragged the unconscious body of this eight year old out of the flaming building. He had major burns over the lower half of his body and somehow, to the amazement of the physician who predicted his death, he survived. After many weeks the doctor told the mother that it would almost be better if had died, since he was doomed to be a lifetime cripple with no use at all of his lower limbs.

Once more, the brave boy made up his mind that he would not be a cripple but would walk again with his legs.
Shockingly, through daily massages, his iron persistence and his resolute determination, he developed the ability to stand up, then to walk using a stick, then to walk by himself and then to run. He began to walk and run to school.
Later in college, he made the track team. In Madison Square Garden, this young man who has been written off as useless ran the world’s fastest mile.

Therefore, it is not how you look that matters; it is how you interpret how you look.

Kindly leave your comments about this article.

Baruch Okpulor, Pornography, Masturbation And Cyber Sex: The Slave Master of the Millennium
Talk to him at baruchmails@gmail.com

Friday, July 2, 2010

Singles And Married

Singles And Married

How Not to Lose Your Self Worth

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are some factors which are responsible for the loss of self worth. It is necessary that you understand these parameters to enable you manage your personality among your peers and the public.

Comparing Yourself to Others

Many youngsters and adults are not proud of their physical appearance. You may compare your shape and physical endowments to others. You may wish you were taller or slimmer. You may wish you had a pointed nose, bigger hips, longer nails, rounded head or bigger eyes. You often admire others but never yourself. You feel inferior to others and often come up short.

Nancy Pelt said, “Every time you compare yourself to someone else, you will come out second best. When you feel second best, you will act second best.”
You will always see the other person as having the better job, admirable body shape, better look, and better height, more money, more wealth, better dressed, better this and better that.
Generally speaking, the higher you rate your looks, the higher your self-worth. The less satisfied you are with your personal appearance, the lower your feelings of worth. You must appreciate the fact that you are made in God’s image in a fearful and wonderful manner. When you fail to do so, you insult God. You are telling Him that His architectural proficiency is faulty.

The incomplete book of failures reported that in 1977, an extremely small, skinny Italian man developed an attraction for large English women. While dancing with an English woman, however, he suddenly fainted. Doctors discovered that he had been wearing seventeen wool sweaters to make himself look heavily built. Do you feel the same way as this Italian man? This is the time to correct such self-destructive feeling about your person.

Parental Upbringing

Many people who have poor self-esteem developed it during the childhood days. Jack Canfield talks about childhood programming. It is a state of mind and learning where we grow to become what we were taught or made to believe what our parents, siblings and guardians believe.
It is indoctrination. It could be opinion about what we can do or cannot do, how intelligent we are, how beautiful we are or about the economy, government, our neighbours, religion, or any other issue of life. This programming could affect us adversely or advantageously when we become adults.

We all love to be admired, encouraged, praised and loved. This starts in our homes. Many of us are fortunate to be raised in homes that radiate love and attention.
Our parents reminded us by words and actions how precious we are and how much they love us. This display of affection gradually built an admirable image of self-worth. We carried our heads high as “special” children when we are in the midst of other children.

Unfortunately, many children were not so privileged. You may have grown up in homes that harboured resentment, brutality, bitterness, pain and sorrow. Homes where the Dad and Mom never agreed. Homes where the children were physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. The children raised in such homes are usually withdrawn, lonely, brutal and embittered. They attach little or no value to their lives as God’s wonderful creatures, made in His image. They may also treat people with the same brutality they experienced because they don’t value life or regard self-worth.

Also, in situations we were cajoled by our parents or siblings repeatedly reminded us that we are stupid, unintelligent, worthless, never-do-well, too fat, too short, big-headed, and pig-headed. These constant messages gradually get ingrained in our subconscious that that’s what we are. This would affect our opinion about our personality, abilities and potentials. Parents should avoid using these self-damaging comments against their wards.

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Baruch Okpulor, Author of Pornography, Masturbation And Cyber Sex: The Slave Master of the Millennium
Talk to him at baruchmails@gmail.com

Self-Worth And Premarital Sex



Life is short, don’t waste time worrying about what people think of you. Hold on to ones that care, in the end they will be the only ones there.” Anonymous

It is obvious that more youngsters engage in premarital sex daily. One factor that encourages premarital sexual relations among teenagers and adult singles is having poor self-image. This is the belief you have about yourself which controls your action and reaction. It determines how you behave in any environment you find yourself. The concept of self revolves around self-image, self-esteem, self-worth and self-respect.

Your self-image may not be your self-worth. It is the opinion you have about yourself which could be wrong or right. It often resolves around what you think others think of your person or qualities or make-up.
What people think about you is usually false. They may misrepresent you. You are not whom they think you are.
When you begin to accept the false opinion of people on whom you are, you begin to feel worthless and frustrated especially if their opinion is negative.

Self-concept is your own opinion of yourself. It is only you who knows whom you are. It cannot be determined by others or how they classify you.

Most importantly, your opinion about yourself determines how you choose your values, select your goals, and formulate your belief system says Nancy Pelt. That’s why you must have the right opinion about yourself. Opinion based on facts, figures and the realities of life. It should not be based on realism or unsubstantiated feelings.
Your response to life events is shaped to a large extent by whom and what you think about yourself.

If you sincerely know and respect yourself, you will demand and command respect from others too. If you place much value on yourself, you will demand same from others. When your self-worth is porous and fragile, you will suffer endless emotional trauma in the hands of others because self-worth is the centre of emotional and mental health according to Van Pelt.

When you have a low self-worth, you begin to think and feel you are not worthy of love, respect, friendship, and success. You live your life at the mercy of others.

Ignorantly, you encourage others to take advantage of you in all areas of life especially pushing you into sexual relations against your nature. You will always be at the loser’s end.
Nancy Pelt noted that feelings of worth are learned, not inherited. This means you can build your self-worth even if you have created a poor self-image. Begin today to do so and never allow people push you around anymore.

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Baruch Okpulor, The Author of The Irony of Love, Premarital And Extramarital Relationships
Talk to him at baruchmails@gmail.com